Woman's Bill of Rights

The Woman’s Bill of Rights

We hold these truths to be self evident to anyone who has half a brain and even one ovary that every woman is endowed by her creator with certain inalienable rights (and some of us endowed more than others). Among those are life, liberty, and just one decent uplifting bra that doesn’t pinch, bind or otherwise torment.
All women are entitled to refuse entrance to the bathroom to any family member even if she is just brushing her teeth, applying her make-up, or staring at herself in the mirror. It shall be left up to the woman what truly constitutes an emergency and thus no family member is entitled to enter without knocking.
There shall be no requirement forced upon a woman to reveal the whereabouts of all food stuffs in the house. Children and spouses shall not look wounded when a woman appears with chocolate that they did not even know existed.
All women have the right to bare arms, although some women should not; especially if the arms wave back.
A woman shall have the right to occasionally forget one or more child at church or school without feeling like she has completely lost it.
No woman shall be required to know anything about football or to pretend that football is more important to her than for any reason other than that her son looks adorable in his jersey.
Every woman has the right to possess unlimited number of black shoes and various hand bags that are necessary for her emotional health.
Any noises made by a woman while she vacuums the carpet for the third time in a single day after her offspring have tracked leaves across the living room floor shall be referred to only as ‘impassioned commentary’ and not as ‘freaking out’.
There shall be no comment made regarding the condition or appearance of any woman’s hair before at least 11 am on weekdays or 12:30 pm on Saturdays. Likewise, no woman shall be forced to pose for pictures without at least 36 hours advance notice.
God Bless America!
(written by Anita Renfroe)