You might be a dirty girl if you've spent more money to keep the deer away from a plant than it would cost to replace the plant.
You might be a dirty girl if your kitchen utensils occasionally do double duty outdoors.
You might be a dirty girl if you cannot conceal a smile as you tell tales of killing slugs.
You might be a dirty girl if you have ruined clothing because you mysteriously found yourself weeding.
You might be a dirty girl if you have spent more money on plants than on groceries.
You might be a dirty girl if you have urinated in your yard in an attempt to keep away critters.
You might be a dirty girl if you have ever used the 'f' word while running through your yard in a nightgown shooing rabbits.
You might be a dirty girl if your manicure maintains a greenish brown hue a full three months of every year.
You might be a dirty girl if you have ever conducted a search and seizure of a rare plant from an abandoned property.
You might be a dirty girl if you suspect that God made rainy days so that you can get some housework done.
You might be a dirty girl if you understand that "a favorite of birds" means you'd be a fool to plant it near your clothesline or driveway.
You might be a dirty girl if you believe that plants labeled "vigorous" have a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world.
You might be a dirty girl if you suspect that "Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."
You might be a dirty girl if you get sweaty palms and blurred vision when you think of those novice gardeners who ask big box employees for plant advice. [You might be a really dirty girl if you have been unable to control yourself and interrupted one of those inquiries by shouting "Begonias are annuals!"]
You might be a dirty girl if you laugh uncontrollably at the mention of a 'low maintenance garden'.
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